


ichigosuggestions

by curiousravenclaw



Category: Bleach
Genre: ANGST HELL, Gen, just about every character is mentioned but this is all about ichigo, like seriously, stream of consciousness stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8039032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiousravenclaw/pseuds/curiousravenclaw
Summary: Don't think about it.





	ichigosuggestions

**Author's Note:**

> so... i saw the whole bleachsuggestions part of the fandom on tumblr and. you know. of course, i had to make it angst. because I'm me. 
> 
> obvi not everything i necessarily wanted to get in here is in there but. yknow. gotta cut it off somewhere, right?
> 
> this can stand on its own, i think, but i may update it later.
> 
> comment if u wanna scream at me abt feels or something. i'm always here for angst!
> 
>  
> 
> (EDIT: whoops i fucked up and made the notes the summary. fixed now!!)

Don't think about the losses.

 

 

Don't think about Her, the sun, the light of your life smiling down upon you even when all you wanted to do was cry. Don't think about how she could make the rain go away in an instant, just by breathing.

Don't think about waking up slowly, foggily, thinking for a moment that you're back home and asleep, but She is not wrapped around you and holding you gently, instead collapsed on top of you and gone cold like the pool of liquid (don'tlook) around the two of you.

 

Don't think about Inoue, the anguish in her face when she dragged her brother to your doorstep by herself- only twelve at most, and already so much stronger than she ever should have had to be- the way she pounded on the front door frantically, the blood on her fingers streaking the door with crimson marks that looked like claws. Don't think about how she looked like the world had just collapsed under her feet when you told her that Sora wasn't coming back, the way she sobbed and babbled about hairpins, and told you she hadn't said goodbye. Don't think about her face, stained with tears, trembling and red. Don't think about how Yuzu looked at her like she was a familiar movie, but a sad one- something she had seen before, but which made her cry every time anyway.

 

Don't think about Rukia, the way you felt your heart shatter when she left without saying goodbye, without looking back, head held high as she marched to her death without thinking for a moment you'd do anything, risk anything, to save her. Don't think about wiping blood off yourself, over and over, staggering up with a voice in the back of your head crooning that it was all for nothing, give in to despair, little hero.

Don't think about every enemy you had to get through before you could save her, those with fearsome and terrifying strength, those who would become your friends. Don't think about wondering, every time, 'Is this when it happens? Is this when I'll have the kind of blood on my hands that truly won't wash off?" Don't think about learning that Rukia and Renji were childhood friends. Don't think about meeting Yachiru afterwards, once Kenpachi has recovered (god, he had a kid, what if I'd killed him?)

Don't think about Byakuya, the searing rage over someone treating their little sister like dirt only tempered by the fact that you don't know what Rukia would do if she lost her big brother. He's all she has left, now, isn't he?

Don't think about the breathless, sickening fear when you soared towards her, the realization that you might end up being too late burned into your mind. Don't think about the way your heart jumped in your chest when the Captains stepped in (thankyou, i don't know if i could have made it-) and the fragile gratitude in her face drowned by guilt, by worry, by despair, because she thinks there's no way you'll make it out alive.

 

Don't think about the numbing terror each and every time you thought you lost YuzuandKarin (you always think of them together, because they are always together, even when you think they're dead) and the wrenching despair that came the one time you were so sure you were too late to save her, youngest, the one with Her smile.

Don't think about her broken body in your arms and sobbing, wrecked, in front of half the Gotei Thirteen on that roof. Don't think about the echoes of pity you felt in their reiatsu, though you were too lost to notice it at the time. Your nightmares have given you plenty of time to examine the details.

 

Don't think about what you sacrificed to save everyone from Aizen- the months of grueling training, the way you were told to take cheap shots and let others die if you had to in order to get your opening. Don't think about the way you felt the words 'number one protector' burn like poison in your mouth and steal the breath from your lungs. Don't think about falls from glory. Don't think about what kind of person you'll become, after this.

Don't think about the way you felt as though your heart had been torn out when you realized what you would have to do in order to kill Aizen. Don't think about the quiet despair you saw in Tensa Zangetsu after the righteous fury had run out. Don't think about how, all this time, what he wanted to protect was you.

 

Don't think about it.

Trust me, it's easier this way.


End file.
